Transform Your Influence: Eileen Noyes on Motherhood

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Your Influence as a Mother: Why Proverbs 31:1 Changes Everything About Parenting

By Eileen Noyes

Sep 17, 2025

What if the secret to raising successful children wasn't found in parenting books or expert advice, but in understanding a single verse that reveals the true influence of mothers? What if you discovered that your daily words, actions, and attitudes were literally shaping future leaders in ways you never imagined?

Meet Eileen Noyes, host of The Unsidelined Life podcast and mother of eight children who learned this truth the hard way. After facing her darkest moments as a mother - including times when she literally wanted to die rather than continue - God revealed to her the profound significance of Proverbs 31:1. This verse, often overlooked in discussions about the Proverbs 31 woman, actually sets the foundation for understanding every mother's role in shaping the next generation.

Eileen's revelation came during her journey out of an abusive marriage where she was told her only value came from "cooking, cleaning, and having babies." God used Proverbs 31:1 to show her that King Lemuel's entire wisdom - the wisdom that inspired him to write about the excellent wife - came directly from his mother's influence. This understanding transformed not only how Eileen viewed her role as a mother, but how she approached every aspect of raising her children.

Through her verse-by-verse study of Proverbs 31, Eileen discovered that mothers have been underestimating their power and significance for generations, often to the detriment of their families and their own sense of purpose.

Breaking the Cycle of Underestimating Your Role

Most mothers fall into the trap of minimizing their influence, especially during challenging seasons when they feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or unsuccessful. Eileen admits she spent years underestimating her role and power as a mother, not realizing that her attitudes, words, and behaviors were setting the tone for her entire household.

The wake-up call came when God showed her the direct correlation between her own emotional state and her children's responses. When she neglected her relationship with God, she became irritable and naggy, which set a negative tone that affected her children's entire day. Conversely, when she prioritized her spiritual health and approached motherhood from a place of identity and purpose, her children naturally followed her lead.

This principle extends beyond daily moods to long-term patterns. Eileen shares her experience with the "pendulum swing" - going from one extreme of rigid perfectionism in her first marriage to complete chaos and disorder afterward. Her children absorbed both extremes, learning either excessive rigidity or total disregard for order, until she found the biblical balance that creates healthy structure without oppressive control.

The Five Essential Principles of Motherly Influence

Through her study of Proverbs 31:1 and her personal experiences, Eileen identified five crucial principles that every mother needs to understand about their influence on their children and family.

The Five Principles Include:

Don't Underestimate Your Significance - Your children are constantly watching and absorbing your attitudes, words, and behaviors
Set the Tone as an Honor and Privilege - Recognize that God has positioned you to influence the atmosphere of your home
Stay Close to the Source - Maintain your connection with God as the foundation for healthy influence
Receive Your Identity and Healing - Allow God to heal your wounds so you don't parent from a place of hurt
Remember It's Never Too Late - Healing and restoration are possible regardless of past mistakes or your children's ages

Each principle builds on the others, creating a framework for understanding how mothers can move from feeling insignificant or overwhelmed to recognizing their role as kingdom influencers who are literally shaping the future through their daily interactions with their children.

Understanding the Pendulum Swing Effect

One of the most important concepts Eileen addresses is the tendency for mothers to swing from one parenting extreme to another, especially when they've experienced trauma or unhealthy patterns in their own upbringing or marriage. This pendulum swing often creates confusion and instability for children who need consistent, balanced leadership.

Eileen's personal example involved moving from an extremely rigid household where every detail had to be perfect to a completely chaotic environment where nothing was organized or maintained. Neither extreme served her children well. The rigid perfectionism created fear and anxiety, while the chaos created insecurity and lack of structure.

The breakthrough came when God began showing her biblical balance - maintaining order and structure while extending grace and mercy. This meant having clean, organized spaces without the fear-based perfectionism, and maintaining standards without the crushing weight of unrealistic expectations. Her children began responding positively to this balanced approach, taking pride in their environment without the anxiety that had characterized the previous extremes.

Healing Your Past to Transform Your Present

Perhaps the most significant insight Eileen shares is the necessity of allowing God to heal past wounds that affect how mothers parent their children. The phrase "hurt people hurt people" applies directly to parenting - mothers who are carrying unhealed wounds, shame, or trauma will inevitably pass those patterns to their children unless they address the root issues.

Eileen's journey involved recognizing how her own experiences with shame, legalism, and emotional wounds were affecting her ability to parent with love, patience, and wisdom. As she allowed God to heal these areas, she noticed her parenting style naturally shifting to reflect how God parents her - with love, gentleness, patience, and encouragement even during correction.

This healing process requires humility and transparency, both with God and eventually with family members who may have been hurt by past patterns. Eileen emphasizes that mothers shouldn't feel ashamed when God reveals areas that need healing - instead, they should be grateful that He loves them enough to address these issues and help them become better parents.

Transform Your Influence Starting Today

Understanding your role as an influencer doesn't require perfection - it requires intentionality and connection with God as your source. Start by recognizing that your daily words, attitudes, and actions are either building up or tearing down the atmosphere in your home and the security of your children.

Begin each day by connecting with God before engaging with your family. Eileen emphasizes the principle that "the first greeting in the morning determines the rest of your day." Instead of starting with nagging, criticism, or stress, take time to center yourself in God's love and approach your children from that place of peace and intentionality.

If you recognize patterns that need to change, don't wait for the "perfect" time to address them. Begin by asking God to reveal areas where healing is needed, and be willing to have humble conversations with your children about changes you're making. Remember that it's never too late to change your influence - children of all ages respond positively to mothers who are growing and healing.

Most importantly, embrace the honor and privilege of your role rather than seeing it as a burden or overwhelming responsibility. You have been specifically chosen by God to influence these particular children in ways no one else can. Your words have the power to speak life or death; your attitudes set the emotional tone of your home, and your example teaches your children how to navigate their own relationships with God and others.

Ready to transform your influence as a mother? Follow The Unsidelined Life podcast for practical insights on stepping into your role as a kingdom influencer who shapes the next generation.

Your Influence as a Mother: Why Proverbs 31:1 Changes Everything About Parenting

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