Navigating Life as a Sports Spouse: Lessons from Eileen Noyes

Eileen Noyes hosts The Unsidelined Life, a podcast focused on helping spouses of professional athletes navigate their unique lifestyle challenges. As a former NFL wife herself, Eileen brings firsthand experience to the conversation, having been married to former Green Bay Packers player Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila. Her background in this high-pressure world gives her unique insights into the challenges that sports spouses face, from identity struggles to relationship dynamics. In this episode, Eileen shares her top ten unexpected challenges of being married to a professional athlete and offers practical wisdom on handling these situations. She's also the author of "The Unsidelined Life," a book that helps sports spouses discover their God-given purpose beyond supporting their athlete partners.

Finding Your Identity in a High-Profile Relationship  

In the world of professional sports, spouses often struggle with maintaining their personal identity. Eileen describes how quickly her life changed upon marrying her NFL husband, noting that simply stepping off a plane in Green Bay thrust her into a different world where she was suddenly under public scrutiny. She recalls a moment when her cousin looked at her casual wardrobe of hoodies and questioned if this was appropriate for "an NFL wife," highlighting the immediate pressure to conform to external expectations.

This identity pressure extends beyond clothing choices to every aspect of life. Eileen mentions appearing on a magazine cover shortly after her wedding, finding herself unexpectedly in the public eye. These experiences created internal conflict about who she was supposed to be versus who she actually was. She admits there were times she got caught up in external expectations, trying to fit an image of what others thought a sports spouse should be.

The key to maintaining authentic identity, Eileen suggests, is grounding yourself in faith rather than fluctuating external opinions. She emphasizes that finding peace meant returning to her core values and spiritual foundation. When everything around her was changing and expectations were mounting, her faith provided stability and helped her resist the pressure to become someone she wasn't. This anchoring principle applies not just to sports spouses but to anyone facing identity pressures in high-visibility relationships.

Managing the Unexpected Competition in Your Relationship  

Competition in a sports marriage extends far beyond worrying about other women. Eileen identifies a surprising source of competition: the constant adoration and praise athletes receive from fans, teammates, and the media. This creates an unusual dynamic where the spouse at home asking for help with bills, requesting more quality time, or needing support with children can unintentionally become positioned as the "negative" voice in contrast to the athlete's public admiration.

This competitive dynamic, if not properly managed, can create relationship strain. Athletes may unconsciously compare the criticism or normal requests from their spouse with the unconditional praise they receive elsewhere. Eileen notes how important it is to recognize this pattern and actively work to counteract it within the relationship. She suggests that a key strategy is becoming your spouse's biggest supporter rather than another source of criticism.

Practical approaches include celebrating wins together, expressing genuine praise, and creating opportunities for the athlete to succeed at home. Eileen shares personal insights about learning to approach her husband differently, finding ways to appreciate his contributions rather than focusing on shortcomings. She emphasizes the importance of allowing your spouse to "win with you" by making requests in ways that set them up for success, then genuinely celebrating when they follow through. This approach helps neutralize the competition from outside admirers.

Riding the Emotional Rollercoaster of Professional Sports  

The extreme highs and lows in professional sports create emotional whiplash for families. One day might bring celebration of a draft pick, big win, or contract signing, while the next brings disappointment from an injury, being cut from the team, or a crushing defeat. Eileen discusses how unprepared she was for these dramatic swings and their impact on family life.

What helped her navigate these fluctuations was developing a longer-term perspective. Eileen explains that understanding sports as just one season of life rather than their entire identity allowed her family to process both victories and disappointments more effectively. She references Psalm 31, noting the importance of not fearing the future but instead approaching it with confidence in a greater plan.

Eileen uses an interesting analogy to explain her approach to uncertainty, comparing it to watching a Marvel movie for the first time. While you experience all the tension and emotion of the story's ups and downs, there's underlying confidence that things will ultimately work out. Similarly, she suggests that grounding yourself in faith provides assurance during life's unpredictable moments, allowing you to experience the journey's emotions without being completely destabilized by them.

Transitioning Beyond the Game  

Perhaps the most challenging aspect of sports life is the inevitable end of the athletic career. Eileen emphasizes that no matter how prepared you think you are, the actual transition can be devastating. The abrupt shift affects everything—income changes dramatically, the structured schedule disappears, and both athlete and spouse face identity questions. She acknowledges that she and her husband didn't properly process this transition, moving quickly from his playing career to building a house and starting his next career without addressing the emotional impact.

The grief process is real and necessary, Eileen stresses. Athletes need time to mourn the end of something that defined them for years. As a spouse, she notes the importance of creating space for this grieving while simultaneously helping guide the family through the practical aspects of transition. Women often carry significant emotional and spiritual burdens during this period, supporting their husbands through depression, stress, and identity reformation.

Support systems become crucial during this transition phase. Eileen recommends:

1. Establish prayer routines together to maintain spiritual connection

2. Find mentors who have successfully navigated similar transitions

3. Create personal support outlets separate from your spouse

4. Remember that this ending is just one chapter in a longer story

5. Look for the purpose and opportunities in the next phase

She references 2 Corinthians 3:18, describing life as moving "from glory to glory," suggesting that the end of a sports career can be viewed as a stepping stone rather than a cliff edge. This perspective helps both athlete and spouse see beyond the immediate loss to possibilities ahead.

Building a Community That Understands  

Recognizing the unique challenges sports spouses face, Eileen has created a Facebook community called WAG (Wives and Girlfriends of pro sports), which she also describes as "Women After God." This group provides a safe environment where sports spouses can share struggles without judgment or the typical "poor you with all your money and fame" reactions they often encounter from those outside the sports world.

Eileen notes that social media has intensified the pressure on sports spouses, creating expectations that they should look like celebrities and maintain perfect public images. This magnified scrutiny leaves many questioning their role—should they seek the spotlight alongside their spouse, remain in the background, or find their own unique purpose? The community helps women navigate these questions without shame or comparison.

The WAG group complements Eileen's book study program, which guides participants through "The Unsidelined Life." Together, these resources help women discover their individual purpose beyond supporting their athlete spouse. Eileen emphasizes that finding this purpose eliminates much of the internal wrestling about visibility and identity, allowing women to embrace whatever season they're in with confidence.

Finding Your Unsidelined Purpose  

Whether you're connected to the sports world or not, Eileen Noyes offers wisdom applicable to anyone struggling with identity, relationship dynamics, or life transitions. Her experience as an NFL wife has given her unique insights into navigating high-pressure situations while maintaining authentic relationships and personal growth.

If you're interested in exploring these topics further, Eileen invites you to join her WAG community by reaching out via Instagram, Facebook, or email at hello@ladybellator.com. For those seeking structured guidance, her book "The Unsidelined Life: Helping Pro-Athlete Wives Get Off the Bench to Live Out Their God-Given Purpose" provides a roadmap for discovering your calling beyond supporting someone else's dream.

The book is available on Amazon and Audible, and Eileen offers a free e-book version to those who join her online community. By sharing her experiences and the lessons she's learned, Eileen hopes to help others move from the sidelines into their own purposeful, fulfilling lives—regardless of the spotlight or shadows created by their spouse's career.