Don't Ruin Your King - How Christian Wives Protect Their Husbands

Eileen Noyes, host of The Unsidelined Life podcast and a wife in a blended family of 15 children, brings hard-won wisdom to conversations about Christian marriage. Her journey includes navigating a first marriage that collapsed under cultlike religious teachings, years as a single mother praying for godly male influence in her children's lives, and now a remarriage where she's learning daily what it means to honor a husband while managing the complexities of a large blended family. Eileen doesn't speak from a place of having it all figured out. She speaks from the trenches, admitting her struggles with putting unrealistic pressure on her husband, approaching conflict with toughness instead of femininity, and learning that building a king up requires intentionality she didn't naturally possess.

In this final installment of her three-part series on Proverbs 31:3, Eileen addresses the elephant in the room. The verse warns men not to give their strength to women who ruin kings. Previous episodes covered protecting sons from wayward women and raising daughters who refuse to become them. But what about wives? What about the reality that married women can become the very destroyers the proverb warns against? Not through seduction of other men, but through tearing down their own husbands with criticism, disrespect, unrealistic expectations, and masculine approaches to conflict. This episode gets uncomfortable because it requires wives to look honestly at how they're showing up in their marriages and ask whether they're building their kings up or contributing to their downfall.

Strategy One: Pray For Him  

Prayer is where everything starts, and Eileen places it first not just for spiritual reasons but for practical ones. When you commit your husband to the Lord, Scripture promises God will protect and keep what you give Him. She prays specifically for her husband's eyes, asking God to let him see only her and to see her through spiritual eyes as God sees her. She prays for his heart, his purity, and his love for her. These aren't vague prayers but targeted requests addressing specific vulnerabilities in marriage.

Eileen shares a story from a marriage conference that illustrates prayer's transformative power. During an exercise focused on sexuality and intimacy, couples were instructed to pray over each other's bodies after returning to their hotel rooms. Not in a crude way, but honoring different body parts and their purposes. Eileen prayed over her husband's head, his heart, and specifically his eyes, asking God to let him see her as God sees her. She admits feeling vulnerable sharing this, but the results speak for themselves. After they were intimate that night and invited God into that aspect of their marriage, her husband woke up the next morning and told her he saw her completely differently. He described it as almost angelic, a love and perception that went beyond his normal feelings.

The most important reason to pray for your husband, though, is what it does to you. When you pray for anyone, the person who changes most is usually the one praying. Praying for your husband softens your heart toward him. It reminds you he's God's son, not just the man who forgot to take out the trash or disappointed you again. Prayer repositions your perspective, helping you see him through God's eyes rather than through the lens of your unmet expectations. Before you can build your king up, you need God to work in you, and prayer is how that happens.

Strategy Two: Respect Him in Words and Actions  

This one seems obvious, but Eileen emphasizes it because wives need constant reminding. We don't just respect our husbands when we see them doing respectable things. We respect them when we don't see it too. She compares it to how we treat young children. When a toddler draws a stick figure with the nose in the wrong place and feet uneven, we don't criticize. We praise. We say it's awesome. We celebrate the effort. Somewhere along the way, we stop giving that kind of encouragement to our husbands, yet they need it just as much. They're still little boys in many ways, thriving on praise and withering under constant criticism.

Our words carry more power than we realize. We can ruin our husbands or build them up, and when we choose the right words, we take them to the next level. Telling them we believe in them, appreciate specific things they do, and thanking them for contributions goes further than we understand. But it also works in reverse. Just as one comment can shape a daughter's entire self-perception, our words can pierce our husbands deeply. Eileen admits to saying things that hurt her husband, sometimes without realizing it, sometimes intentionally because she was hurt and chose to be hurtful back.

The key is speaking well of him, especially in front of other people. There's something about public honor that resonates deeply with men. When Eileen expresses pride in her husband around others, when she highlights what he's doing well and how accomplished he is, it goes a long way. She also emphasizes praising his strengths rather than focusing on what he's not. This became real for her during a conversation where her husband opened up about the pressure he feels as provider for 15 kids. Eileen had been focused on spiritual leadership and presence, putting expectations on him in areas where she was naturally wired. But he was carrying the weight of providing for colleges, weddings, and futures for 15 children. That's a man's wiring as protector and provider. Hearing his perspective helped her appreciate his hard work and giftedness in making significant income, recognizing that not everyone can create that level of provision. Watch your body language too. Eileen confesses her husband can read her even when she's silent. The eye rolls, the sighs, the looks of disappointment all communicate disrespect louder than words.

Strategy Three: Listen to His Requests and Honor Them  

This strategy sounds simple but requires genuine attention. Take time to actually listen to what your husband asks for, even if those things don't mean much to you. Eileen's husband has two primary requests: cold drinks and organic berries. That's his love language. When she gives him those things consistently, he feels loved and heard. It's not complicated or demanding, yet honoring these simple requests communicates respect and care.

Beyond specific requests, there are unspoken needs that create an environment of love and honor. Coming home to a peaceful environment matters enormously to men. After a full day dealing with work relationships, business interactions, finances, and pressures, having a place to rest makes a world of difference. Eileen can testify to this more now after recently going through a season of cleaning her house. There's something about a man being able to come home to physical peace, an organized and clean environment where he can settle.

Equally important is coming home to relational peace. Not being nagged the moment he walks in the door. Allowing him time and space to decompress. Not greeting him with disappointment written across your face. Showing you embrace him and you're happy he's home. These seemingly small things accumulate into an atmosphere where a man feels valued. Eileen also mentions that men love being served, not in a subservient slave dynamic but in a love dynamic. Her husband has told her that food tastes better when she serves it to him rather than him just getting it off the stove himself. There's something about the act of service that communicates love in a way he receives deeply.

Strategy Four: Approach Him as a Woman  

This strategy addresses how wives handle conflict and disagreement. Eileen admits she has to constantly remind herself to approach her husband as a woman because her natural tendency, especially based on past experiences, is to come on tough and feisty. She can approach him with an issue like she's ready for battle, coming at him as if she were a man. And while women might not perceive it that way, from a man's perspective, that's exactly how it feels. He receives it as masculine confrontation, and he'll be turned off. Not just sexually, but relationally. It's unhealthy for the marriage and contributes to ruining your king rather than building him up.

Approaching conflict with transparency, vulnerability, and femininity changes everything. Eileen has seen this shift repeatedly. Men are far more receptive to softness than toughness. She references "I feel" statements, admitting she initially misunderstood them. She thought they meant saying things like "I feel that you're a jerk" or "I feel like you didn't handle this right." But actual "I feel" statements reference emotions: "I feel sad that you didn't call." "I felt hurt when that happened." "I felt neglected." "I felt rejected." "I felt fear." These are emotions, not accusations disguised as feelings.

When you show up vulnerable and express genuine emotions rather than accusations, something shifts in a man. His protective instinct activates. He wants to be a protector and provider, and when you come soft instead of hard, when you express hurt instead of anger, he responds differently. Eileen says it's almost textbook. Even in the middle of a fight, when she pauses and vulnerably expresses, "I just felt hurt when..." he softens. The dynamic changes. The defensiveness drops. Suddenly he's listening instead of fighting back. This doesn't mean stuffing legitimate concerns or avoiding necessary conversations. It means the approach matters as much as the content.

Strategy Five: Rock It, Own It, Flaunt It  

The fifth strategy addresses the physical aspect of marriage, the more obvious connection to the warning about women who ruin kings through seduction. But Eileen's take on this isn't what you might expect. It's not about looking perfect, achieving ideal weight, or having the perfect outfit. The two biggest components of sex appeal are honor and respect. When a wife honors and respects her husband, that's attractive to him regardless of physical factors.

But beyond that foundational truth, confidence matters more than appearance. A woman who is skinny and conventionally attractive but timid and self-conscious doesn't exude sex appeal the way a woman of any size who rocks what she has with confidence does. When you come in and flaunt it, when you're confident with your body regardless of size, that's attractive. That keeps your husband's attention. Availability and confidence become your protection against other women because you're meeting his needs and doing it with an attitude that communicates you know your worth.

Eileen credits her research and learning from various sources, including her husband's involvement in "Rise Up Kings," for teaching her how to approach her husband differently in this area. The point isn't performing or becoming someone you're not. It's owning who you are and presenting yourself to your husband with confidence. When you do that, when you're available and assured, other women doing whatever they're doing won't be competition. You're building your king up by meeting his needs, and that's the ultimate protection against women who would tear him down.

Let Your King Rise  

Eileen closes by emphasizing that wives have the power to either ruin their kings or build them up. Every interaction is a choice. Every word is a decision. Every approach to conflict shapes the marriage. When you treat your husband as God's son, when you remember he's a co-heir with Christ and deserves to be built up rather than torn down, everything changes.

The five strategies work together:

1. Pray for him and allow God to change your heart

2. Respect him in words, actions, and body language

3. Listen to his requests and create an environment of peace

4. Approach him with femininity and vulnerability, especially in conflict

5. Own your confidence and be available physically

None of these strategies require perfection. They require intentionality. Eileen freely admits her struggles in every area. But awareness is the first step. Recognizing where you might be contributing to tearing your king down rather than building him up opens the door to change.

Your husband isn't looking for a perfect wife. He's looking for a wife who sees him, respects him, honors him, and approaches him as a woman rather than an adversary. When you pray for him, speak well of him, listen to his needs, approach conflict with vulnerability, and show up confidently in your marriage, you become his greatest asset rather than the woman who ruins him.

Let your king rise by how you treat him and how you build him up. Those other women won't stand a chance.

Listen to this episode and learn how to protect your king on The Unsidelined Life podcast.

Listen to The Unsidelined Life Podcast: Website | Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Follow Eileen Noyes: LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook | Website | Books

Connect with Lady Bellator: Website | Instagram | Free Community